I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Don't EVER smell your tampon
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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