Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
