ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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