i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
