There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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