So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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