I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
