I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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