I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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