Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
