You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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