remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
