hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
