I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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