I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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