We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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