I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
