when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't put those talents on a resume
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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