shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize