Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
