please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
