Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
