come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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