Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
