ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
