I just pynch a tree in the face
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
