took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
