the condom got lost in my hair
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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