she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
