She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
