Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
