I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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