ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
