He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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