doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
