Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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