So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
