We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
