So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
