Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
