that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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