Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
