belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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