Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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