I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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