and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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