i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
