the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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