Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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