NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and i looked up. we had an audience...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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