So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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