I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
