You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
