my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
