my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
