K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize