The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
