there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
