Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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