Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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