I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
