It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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