I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This baby is an asshole
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I supernannyed him into submission
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
