I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers