Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's the American dream

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb
  Replies (31) Good night (4090) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache. http://tfl.nu/t0k5
  Replies (13) Good night (5595) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong. http://tfl.nu/4d0b
  Replies (19) Good night (851) Bad night (6262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps. http://tfl.nu/bl0l
  Replies (24) Good night (671) Bad night (5480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went http://tfl.nu/wqc9
  Replies (35) Good night (875) Bad night (8310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike... http://tfl.nu/h9ar
  Replies (10) Good night (1116) Bad night (3787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies. http://tfl.nu/qg5x
  Replies (10) Good night (4473) Bad night (1606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm. http://tfl.nu/2mds
  Replies (8) Good night (1329) Bad night (1249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat" http://tfl.nu/3rr9
  Replies (6) Good night (890) Bad night (2180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag http://tfl.nu/xidr
  Replies (4) Good night (2215) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good. http://tfl.nu/bkrn
  Replies (2) Good night (3321) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly http://tfl.nu/feuo
  Replies (5) Good night (731) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings. http://tfl.nu/38vk
  Replies (6) Good night (1135) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me. http://tfl.nu/smua
  Replies (4) Good night (1294) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation. http://tfl.nu/e71w
  Replies (1) Good night (182) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt

Randomize