After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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