this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.