I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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