I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
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getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
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The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.