that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.